Since I gave up hope, I feel much better.
- Unknown

When people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
- Oscar Wilde

Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
- Author Unknown

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper.
- Quentin Crisp

Man has made use of his intelligence; he invented stupidity.
- Remy de Gourmont

Life is rather like a can of sardines: we're all of us looking for the key.
- Alan Bennett

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
- Fran Lebowitz

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it -
Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!
- Homer Simpson

My life's dream has been a perpetual nightmare.
- Voltaire

Three may keep a secret if two are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
- Robert Frost

It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear.
- Norm, from the TV show "Cheers"

The female of all species are most dangerous when they appear to retreat. - Don Marquis

The meek shall inherit the Earth.......if you don't mind.
- Graffiti

Visualize Getting Towed
- sign on a private driveway between The Zen Center in Marin, California and Muir Beach (where public parking is limited)

It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
- Anonymous

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

If something's hard, then it's not worth doing.
- Homer Simpson

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians.
- Henrik Ibsen

Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.
- Alexander Woollcott

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
- H. L. Mencken

And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
- Homer Simpson