Humorous Sayings and Quotations

 

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come and sit next to me.
- Alice Roosevent Longworth

Love your neighbor; yet don’t pull down your hedge.
- Ben Franklin

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
- Catherine Aird

Home is having a large, loving close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Trying is just the first step toward failure.
- Homer Simpson

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.
- Ambrose Pierce

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

Wit is educated insolence.
- Aristotle

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
- George Bernard Shaw

Nothing is so useless as a general maxim.
- Macaulay

Education, like neurosis, begins at home.
- Milton R. Sapirstein

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
- Pelham Grenville Wodehouse

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
- H. L. Mencken

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my husband to be so upset that he has to drop out of college.
- Roz Doyle, Frasier

Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard